Letting Go
by snchills
Summary: What if Dean wasn't healed? Warning this is a death, AU future fic set during Faith. One shot complete.


Authors note: Okay folks I'm sorry I did it again but I just can't resist the angst of a death fic. I place this story sometime after Faith thereby making this story not only a death fic but also an AU future fic. Don't hate me please. My story demons tend to beat me around until I subdue them by writing these stories and I hold them totally responsible.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just used them and then I kill them off. Oh oh…. I'm starting to see a pattern here.

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17 days. 3 days longer than the doctors had originally told him. Dean felt so weak. He knew Sam was barely holding on because he knew he was barely holding on. He just wanted to let go. Part of him wanted to fight so badly, wanted to scream, wanted to go out swinging but his body wouldn't let him. Now all he could think of was protecting his brother from the inevitable, that he was going to die.

Sam was hopeful at first that he could find a way of saving his big brother but in all his research didn't find a thing. Each time he went to visit Dean it was like he was letting his brother down all over again. He felt like he was betraying him in so many ways. All the times Dean had saved him and the one time his brother really needed him he couldn't do a damn thing.

Dean's brow was furrowed and his body tense with pain when Sam walked into the room and Sam was immediately concerned. He couldn't stand to see him in such pain. Dean was being stubborn again but this time Sam knew it was something more. Dean looked up at him as he sat down and for a moment it looked like Dean was pleading with him, "let me go."

"Hey." He said softly taking a deep breath.

"Hey" Dean responded weakly. Pain racked his body again and he gasped for breath. "Damn it Sammy."

Sam watched silently as Dean struggled to maintain his tough façade. He gave him a moment to compose himself before he started to speak again. Time was quickly running out.

"Dean I was thinking…" Sam wasn't quite sure how to start. "I've still got a couple of people to call. This guy in Nebraska hasn't gotten back to me yet but I'm gonna try him again later on."

"Sam….." Dean's voice was almost a whisper. "Sam don't. I want you to stop." Sam turned his head away from his brother, tears filling his eyes.

"Dean I can't. Please don't make me." Sam's voice pleaded anyway even though he knew his brother was right. This had to end.

"You need to let me go Sammy. You did all you could, I know you did. I want you to know how much I appreciate that."

"Appreciate that! Son of a bitch Dean. Just once, just once I wanted to do something right. Something for you and I can't even do that. After all you have done for me, and now you're telling me to just give up and let you go. I don't know if I can do it Dean." Sam dropped his head into his hands.

"Yes you can little brother." Dean's voice was calmer now. "I need to ask you for one other favor. Sammy. Just one more thing." Dean rolled his head and looked at his brother.

"I'll do it, what ever it is I'll do it." Sam looked back up at Dean.

"I want you to leave. I don't want you to be here when I go. Will you do that for me?" Dean's words were barely out of his mouth when his body trembled with pain again.

"No Dean no. I'm not letting you die alone you bastard. You can't protect me from this Dean and I won't let you. You're gonna have to put up with me till the bitter end. I'm not Dad; you won't be able to get rid of me that easily." Sam thought of his fathers visit only a few days ago when John and Dean spent several hours talking. Sam left the hospital as soon as he saw him and let them have their talk alone. So many emotions flew up as he watched his father enter Dean's hospital room. He bit his tongue and kept his own angry thoughts to himself. He knew this was not the time to be bringing up all the crap between himself and his father. This was Dean's time. When he came back Dean was asleep and John was sitting by his bed watching him lost in his own thoughts. Sam bit his lip and re-entered the room. John looked up a little surprised to see him standing next to him.

"Sam I didn't expect to see you again before I left."

"What you're leaving again? Son of a bitch Dad can't you just hang around just this once. Just this once for Dean I'm mean damn it he's dying. He should have his family around him." Sam felt his anger quickly rising. John's voice stayed calm but terse as he stroke Dean's hair.

"He does have his family around him son, and despite what you think Dean doesn't want me around, he's asked me to leave. Part of me just wants to tell him to go to hell but part of me wants to honor the one thing I can do for him and I have to respect that Sammy. I've never been much of a father to him his entire life. If it makes him feel better knowing he saved me the pain of watching him die than that's what I've got to do for him." Sam watched as his father continued to stroke his brother's head and he suddenly felt his father's pain. All his fathers' guilt and regret flashed in John's eyes as he watched his brother losing his struggle for life.

While Dean slept they wandered around the hospital and talked about all the things that they needed to say to each other. At times it got heated, but they slowly came to an understanding about each other. Both knew they probably would never have this chance again. It was only because of Dean and with Dean gone they knew their fragile peace would cease all together. John stayed until Dean woke up, said his final goodbye, and left without looking back.

Now days later, Dean drifted in and out as the pain medication worked or didn't work. Each time he was awake Sam knew he was in desperate pain. Finally Sam begged him to take the stronger medicine even if it meant Dean might slip into a coma and never wake up because at least he would be pain free. Dean refused. He wanted more time to spend his little brother.

"No Sammy I can't. If I take it…. I won't be able to stay awake…. and there is still…. so much I have to say to you." His words came out slowly spaced by pouts of pain. Sam sat by his bed and took his hand.

"Did you mean it when you said you wouldn't leave?" Dean looked at Sam with hope in his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promised you and I meant it." Sam smiled grimly and nodded his head.

"I made Dad…. vow to do something…. I made him vow that he would never…..never make you hunt again and he promised me… he promised me he would let you have your normal life… just like you always wanted." Dean struggle to get his words out and Sam gasped when he realized even while dying Dean was still trying to protect him. Tears welled up in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

"Dean….."

"Now I want you…to promise me…. you'll go back to school…..get your degree….save the world from a courtroom…. instead of the front seat of the Impala. Marry some hot chick…have lots of kids…and don't name any of them after me….you hear me. I don't want you crying over me…..every time you call your kids name…it wouldn't be fair to him. But maybe every now and then…. Maybe tell them about their Uncle Dean so they know how great I was." Dean managed a smile but his voice continued to get weaker as he struggle for breath.

"I will Dean, I promise." Sam smiled back as he leaned in closer trying to catch every word. Dean's suddenly felt at peace. Sammy would be okay. It was time to say goodbye.

"I just want this to be over Sammy…" his voice was barely a whisper now. Sam gripped his hand tighter and nodded. With a heavy heart he got up and went down to the nurse's station for them to page Dean's Doctor. Minutes later Dean and Sam both watched as the doctor inserted the final IV in Dean's hand. Dean's pain laced face eased as the medicine began to take effect. He smiled and looked over at Sam leaning close by.

"Thank you." He mouthed. Sam smiled back at him mouthed "You're welcome."

Finally he heard the last words he would ever hear from his brother. "I love you little brother."

"I love you too big brother."

Dean's eyes opened and closed a few more times. Sam watched not knowing when it would be the last time he would ever see his brother's hazel eyes. He pulled the bed rail down, climbed into the bed, and snuggled next to Dean. Dean sighed when he felt his brother close and an hour later it was all over. Sam held his brother and did the only thing he could do when he felt his brothers last heart beat. He began to cry.

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Months later Sam sat in the kitchen of his new apartment and looked over the paper work he had gotten back from Stanford. All the tests, all the appointments and all the interviews had gotten him right back to where he was before Dean came and got him that night. It was all laid out in front of him and suddenly Sam didn't want to have any part of it. He felt guilty knowing he had promised Dean he would go back to school but without his brother there didn't seem to be any point. For days he wrestled with his decision. A call to his father only left him even more confused. John had merely told him to "follow his heart." and ended the call without the offer of joining him. Despite Sam's change of heart John would stay true to his word to Dean.

Some days later Sam would be reading the Sunday paper and see an ad in the job section. Intrigued he showed up with dozens of others for the offered test and waited patiently for his results to come in the mail. Weeks later the officially sealed stationary congratulated him on his test scores and let him know that he was accepted to the Palo Alto Firefighter academy. At first he was worried that he would not be able to get past the nightmare of his mothers death by fire. So much of his life had involved flames he decided he could only get past it by confronting it. After that the decision was easy.

At the academy his teachers noted Sam was a natural at fighting fires. They marveled at his ability to help others even when he was exhausted by his own training. Already physically fit, he was a quick learner, always the first with the correct answer and was at the top of his class at graduation. John surprised him by showing up for his graduation ceremony. He gently teased him about his new shorter hair cut told him how proud he was of him. Graduating first in his class gave him the pick of fire houses and he chose the busiest one in the city, Ladder 36.

4 months after his probationary period ended they answered a call at an apartment complex. Several people were trapped in a hallway and Sam and one other firefighter got them all out safely. Browsing in a book store later that week he was surprised to see one of the victims working behind the counter. They instantly recognized each other and started to talk. She slid him her phone number which he hesitated to call until one day she showed up at the firehouse looking for him.

Her name was Grace and to Sam she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen besides Jessica. Light brown hair and steel blue eyes. Dean would have called her a "hottie." After their first date he knew he never wanted to be away from her and they were married 8 months later. On their wedding day Sam searched the church for his father and finally saw him just as the ceremony was about to start. John had slipped in the back and watched his youngest son start a new life. A new life filled with hope and dreams… a new happy future. So lost in his happiness Sam forgot about his father until they were about to get into the limo to take them to the reception. Sam once again looked for john and smiled at him when he finally saw his face. John beamed back at his son, waved and then turned and walked away.

True to his promise to Dean he didn't name any of his sons after his brother. Instead he named his first son Andrew. A few years another son Alex would be born followed by a daughter Elizabeth. John would stop by every now and then to enjoy spending time with his grandchildren and then he would be off again. Grace never begrudged her husbands time spent holed up for long hours with his father but Sam always seem so much sadder when he left.

Sam continued rising up the ranks at the firehouse eventually becoming chief at the age of 45. His legendary skills and quick wit made him a favorite among the younger firefighters. He always told them "fearlessness not recklessness. Fearlessness will get people saved. Recklessness will get people killed."

Over the years he accumulated many awards. Most were displayed over and around his crowded his desk in his home office. Pictures of his fellow firefighters sat next to pictures of his father and brother. Even a few pictures of his mother and Jessica were tucked away in an old album. John had been dead for many years now. A false step with a poltergeist ended the legendary John Winchesters life. Sam had his ashes as well as his brothers placed in Grace's family's mausoleum.

At his retirement party he looked down from the stage with pride at his three children, attired in full dress uniform, who followed him into the new family business, each making their own distinctive mark in their own way. Years later one of Alex's sons would also hear the call.

Sam looked forward to spending some time with his beautiful bride of 40+ years but being retired suddenly left Sam with time on his hands. Grace suggested they travel, so they bought an RV and now in his mid 60's Sam found himself back on the road again. So many towns sounded sadly familiar all these years later as Sam remembered one particular hunt or another. Years earlier he had explained to Grace his need to put salt around the room or have each new home or apartment blessed. He never told her the whole story but she accepted what he did tell her with an open mind because she loved him. Eventually Sam no longer felt the need for the salt or the other charms that he had grown up with. Not that he ever forgot what evil existed in the world its just that in his new life they weren't necessary and for that he was grateful.

Now at 75 Sam moved a little slower. He could still chase his great-grand kids around but now they could get away from him much easier. His body ached a little more. He got cold faster. He hated growing old. On this morning he came down stairs and went into his office. Pulling out some paper work he went through and checked over details about his insurance, and other vital business deals. So engrossed he never noticed when Grace set a sandwich and ice tea next to him. At first she was worried that there might be something wrong. Asking him about it later he assured her he was merely making sure she would be taken care of if anything were to happen to him. "I'm not getting any younger you know." He said as he winked at her. She kissed him and held him close for a moment. Later that night he went to bed earlier than usual while Grace watched the TV in the family room. After her show finished she walk upstairs to their bedroom and stopped as she heard Sam talking to someone in the room. The conversation one sided but she could tell he was talking to his father and his brother. A sad fear gripped her as she listened. He was slipping away to a place she couldn't follow and there was nothing she could do about it. She cleared her throat, waited a moment, and then entered their bedroom.

She found him struggling to put on his pajama top. Leaning over him and she helped him button the shirt closed. He looked up at her grateful for the assistance and complained once again about growing old. He laid back and closed his eyes as she got into her night clothes. They kissed goodnight as they always did then she joined him under the covers. He draped is arm around her and she snuggled into his chest like they were kids again. She took his draped hand and gently kissed it and placed her other hand on his heart. She stayed awake throughout the night and listened as his breathes became slower and more infrequent. Finally she knew the end was near. She kissed his cheek and sent him home to his family.

THE END

Authors Note: Did you hate it? Did you love it? Did you cry? Drop me a line and let me know. Thanks for reading.


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